Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Exclusive Edition…Roundup

If given the means, people are willing to pay extra for luxury, opulence and exclusivity. Car makers know this. For most, a vehicle is merely a means of getting from point A to point B and for these folks, a Yaris or a Corolla will do just fine. But for others, driving is a lifestyle, a statement, and their choice of vehicle is handled with reverence. For these folks, the Ford F-150 Harley Davidson Edition, The Eddie Bauer Edition Ford Explorer, or the 2009 Mercedes-Benz SL 63 AMG Silver Arrow Edition just may be what it takes to tickle their fancy. Which is why we came up with this build challenge called Exclusive Edition. Yes, it was a build challenge so exclusive, that not many people participated. Clearly the rest were out playing Pokemon Go, cuz why else would somebody not get in on this action? Those that did participate, clearly these are men who have never known the intimate touch of a Squirtle. I've dated squirtles before and it means always having to wash the sheets. Wait, are we talking about the same thing? Anyway, lets get to the challenge and see how we scored!

Johnni D tells us that you can make your car exclusive by dropping your car at Johnni Striping &Co to get some rally stripes to make your car look faster. This exclusivity assumes that no one else will ever patron the fictitious fledgling company, thus making your car as rare as a high level Charmander.

Johnni Striping & Co

Admittedly, JohnniD has a rather neat thing going here as evidenced by this 1956 Chevrolet Bel Air Nomad Hot Rod in exclusive cartoon style. Check out his photo stream for more chibi cartoon car goodness.

1956 Chevrolet Bel Air Nomad Station Wagon

John Marshmallow chimes in early with something called "GTV-86". This car has been modified significantly into a drag rod, with a monster V-8 in the front, some big side exhausts and monster rear tires, as well as a long wheelie bar at the back.

Sam's GT86 TRD Edition Drag Rod "GTV-86"

His second entry called "Blue.Bullet" is very similar to his first GTV-86 in many ways…so many ways that I can't decipher between the two other than color.

John's 2015 Subaru BRZ Series.Blue Drag Rod "Blue.Bullet"

The human marshmallow calls it his third pair but it only seems to be his second pair. (but who's counting, right?!) Anyway, its a black 1990 Mercedes-Bens 190E Evolution II 2.5-16 Cosworth and the competing BMW E30 M3 Evo II. Then we don't hear from the usually prolific youngin again this challenge as he is likely in search of the elusive Pikachu.

1990 Mercedes-Benz 190E Evolution II 2.5-16 Cosworth

E30 M3 Version 2

Clearly not knowing or caring about the difference between a Magikarp and a Drowzee is Ralph Savelsberg. Ralph is just too sensible for such frivolous nonsense. Instead he has built something from the other nerd culture, the flying Ford Anglia from Harry Potter.
Harry Potter Ford Anglia

Let me help differentiate between the two. A Magikarp is a flopping fish most humorously photographed in a frying pan while a Drowzee is a sleepy looking anteater thing most humorously photographed in front of a weed shop. Just Google it, you weirdo! Anyway, here's Ralph's exclusive Volkswagen Golf R32 in rare red.

Volkswagen Golf Mk.5 R32

If there is one builder who has never locked horns with a temperamental Tauros it is Peter Blackert. One: Because Tauros is a North American exclusive Pokemon and Peter is Australian and two: he's just too busy rendering cars or hunting crocodiles or whatever the hell else they do in Australia. Here's a 2016 Ferrari F12 TdF Berlinetta and its F140 FC V12 Engine.

Ferrari F12 TdF (2016) + UCS Tipo F140 FC V12 Engine

Want to piss off Enzo Ferrari? Then order yourself one of the very limited number of 50th anniversary Ford 2016 GT 'LeMans Winner Edition'. It'll boil his Italian blood like an al dente linguini. He'll know why.

Ford GT LeMans Winner Edition (2016)

While you're at it, you can piss off Enzo Ferrari again with this 1972 Lancia Fulvia Coupe 1.3 S Monte Carlo. Even I don't know why this car would piss him off. It just sounded hilarious to start this entry off that way. Plus anything to piss off your rivals is wholeheartedly worth doing.

Lancia Fulvia Coupe 1.3 S Monte Carlo

I'm talking to you, ClownVomit69, if that's your real name! You think you can rule the PokeGym in our neighborhood with your fat, stupid Snorlax? Someday I will punch you in your insolent 11-year-old face, then who will rule the world? Huh? Anyway, here's a 1989 Porsche 911 Speedster.

Porsche 911 G Speedster (1989)

Sometimes, Swedes and Italians mate and form…absolutely no one notable that you would know. Holy crap, did Google just ruin my joke? I think it did! Who the hell is Marcus Birro? Not a god damned clue! Anyway, Swedes and Italians also mated to form the '78-'80 Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe.

Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe

Cripes, there isn't even a well-known Swedish-Italian celebrity, not even a porn star? Jonni Fidel? Doesn't ring a bell. Veronica Maggio? Not a clue. Michael Nyqvist? Nope! That joke flatlined like Prince in an elevator. What? Too soon? Here's a Ford 1986 Capri 280 Brooklands.

Ford Capri MkIII - 280 Brooklands

Peter's own joke even went better than mine and took a friendly stab at me to boot. He asks: What would a 21st century urban hipster doofus drive? A FIAT 500 of course! Yep, that's the car I drive. But even I wasn't daft enough to shell out nearly three times more for the FIAT Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari. Apparently this is owned by all of 30 people in Australia.

FIAT 500 Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari

Sometimes even exclusivity has exclusivity. Mercedes and McLaren merge their substantial efforts to create this super-exclusive 2009 Mercedes-McLaren SLR Stirling Moss Edition. Peter also portrays a UCS 5.4 Litre Supercharged V8 Engine to go with it.

Mercedes-Mclaren SLR Stirling Moss Edition

Peter tells us that Australia is a tribal land with Ford and Holden constantly trying to outdo each other in what I can only imagine to be a Mad Max style battle to the death. Then there were-something, something-plastic panels-something laser cut- something- 2004 HSV Coupé4.

HSV Coupe4 (2004)

Something-something-something-something-something-something-something-something-something-something-something-something…1995 DC2 Integra Type-R.

Honda Integra Type-R (DC2 - 1995)

Sorry, I totally got lazy there.I'll work harder with this one. If you have American sensibilities for big, luxurious gas guzzlers but live in Europe, then you'll have to settle for the 1976 Citroen CX Prestige. It has the greatest rear leg room in its class for stuff like…yunno…sitting.

Citroen CX Prestige ( 1976)

Peter has built or rendered so many cars that he even renders cars he doesn't like as evidenced by this Type 907Alfa Romeo 33 Savali. Lots of plastic and yellow makes this an uninspired exclusive.

Alfa Romeo 33 Savali (Typ 907)

More to Peter's liking is this gray and black 2016 BMW F82 M4 GTS Coupe that comes with a UCS S55 Inline Six Engine. Only 700 of these will be built in real life making this M4 about as rare as an Electrobuzz.

BMW M4 GTS (F82 - 2016) + UCS BMW S55 3.0 Litre Turbocharged Inline Six Engine

Yes, I've come back to Pokemon jokes! That's what happens when Peter's entries are as plentiful as a low level Weedle. What the hell is with those things, anyway? Am I right, people? My bathroom is infested with them. Anyway, here's a pretty 1991 Nissan Pike Factory Figaro Fixed-Profile Convertible.

Nissan Figaro (Pike Factory - 1991)

Peter tells us that many of the exclusive 2000 Evo VI Zero Fighter Editions have met with a fiery end as lots of speed and grip attracts untalented douchebags behind the wheel. Fitting, considering many of the Japanese zeroes they were named after also met with a fiery end but for entirely different reasons. What? Too soon?

Mitsubishi Lancer EVO VI - Zero Fighter Edition

If there was an award for coolest doors, the exclusive 1995 Toyota Sera Amlux Coupe would take the cake…or award as these unique doors open like beetle wings. The all glass canopy was not cheap and the 21 ultra-exclusives were made in dark green over beige two-tone. Nice!

Toyota SERA Amlux

Peter tells us that at the end, when everything is turning to shit, you'll give pretty much anything a go. That holds true. Whether it be Hot Pockets, crystal meth and a leather clown suit, or this MG ZT-T 260 Tourer, desperation makes for interesting predicaments.

MG ZT-T Tourer

Not as desperate but twice as interesting is this 2011 Aston Martin One-77 Supercar. Only 77 of these beauties were made, so if you wanna get your greasy mitts all over one of them it'll set you back well over 1 million British pounds.

Aston Martin One-77 Coupe

Membership has its privileges. If you were one of the very few Americans to have made it to outer space in the heyday of the space age you could lease a 1969 Chevrolet C3 Corvette 'Astrovette' for a meager 1$ a year. Plaque with your name and mission role also included. I wonder what cosmonauts of the same era had?

Chevrolet Corvette C3 1969 - 'Astrovette'

Probably a radish and a copy of Tolstoy's War and Peace. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, wait, that was A Tale of Two Cities. Never mind. Anyway, here's a 2015 Fisker-Galpin Ford Mustang Rocket Speedster.

Galpin-Fisker Ford Mustang Rocket Speedster (2015)

Peter tells us that the 1978 Dodge Aspen Super Coupe was a half-decent car in an era of half-baked rubbish. I prefer to sauté my rubbish and let it simmer over a low heat for 20 minutes to a half hour. Cooking times may vary depending on altitude.

Dodge Aspen Super Coupe (1978)

Its been awhile since I laid into a Pokemon joke. Let's see, what to I have stored in the old noggin? I find that catching Pokemon to be far better than anything you can catch on Tinder. OK, that was a totally hilarious joke that probably went over most of your heads! Here's a 1974 Renault 17 Gordini Coupe.

Renault 17 Gordini (1974)

Keeping the pace as quickly as a high powered Jynx disappears from sight long before you can capture it is this 1993 Cadillac Allanté Indianapolis Pace Car. Only three were specially rigged as Indianapolis Pace cars.

Cadillac Allanté Indianapolis Pace Car (1993)

In the late 60's cramming a big engine into a compact car was all the rage as evidenced by this 1969 AMC AMX Super Stock. They were called Pony Cars. This one was so small it had to be a two seater.

American Motors Corporation AMX Super Stock - 1969

Speaking of small, Peter's final entry is a 2009 Mini John Cooper Works. What makes it exclusive from all the other Minis you see out there? Apparently a new engine, stripes and a special paint scheme.

New Mini MkII John Cooper Works

Sacre-Blue! Lino Martins goes really exclusive with this French built 1929 Majestic Motorcycle in French racing blue. So what's in my Pokedex? Well, I'm only a level 14 but of the 59 unique Pokemon, I can boast a Pikachu, a Lickitung, A Vaporeen and a Flareon.

1929 Majestic Motorcycle

Emannuel Spencer Iskandar goes with the exclusive Lancia Thema that apparently is a squarish car that has a Ferrari V8 wedged into it. Square. Wedged. Um...That's all I got.

Lancia Thema 8.32

A builder named no7erics is apparently not seven Erics, but probably one huge guy the size of seven Erics. Anyway, he pulls off no small feat with this render of a '64 Shelby Daytona Coupe.

Shelby Daytona Coupe

Is that all of them? I think it is. That concludes our exclusive roundup strife with bad Pokemon Go jokes and not much else. That's how it goes sometimes. Maybe next time will be different. Speaking of next time, we have a cool challenge going on this month called Saturday Morning Show n' Shine. This would be your chance to come up with some of your coolest rides ever in preps for some LEGO conventions coming up including BrickCon, Steam, BrickWorld, and a slew of other worthy conventions I'll surely never make it to. But you can. So tune in next time same bat time, same bat channel to see how we pull it off. In the meantime…if you find a lure down a shady ally in the dumpster behind Krispy Kreme…in the words of the great Admiral Ackbar, its a trap. Don't go to it. That's my Pokemon safety tip for the day. That and watch where the hell you're going. If you go and get hit by a goddamned bus while chasing down a Pidgey…well, that's just evolution working itself out. No Pidgey is worth it. But a Machamp, on the other hand, go nuts! See ya next time.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

The Great Outdoors…Roundup

The LUGNuts Roundups are posts on this blog designed to accompany the monthly LUGNuts build challenges over at Flickr. While reading the LUGNuts Roundups, some test subjects have reported everything from mild amusement, to rising bewilderment, to uncontrollable laughter. Ask your doctor if the LUGNuts Roundups are right for you. Some side effects from reading the LUGNuts Roundups can include mild discomfort, runny nose, dizziness, chronic fatigue, sneezing, bloating, mild irritation of the skin, dry mouth, sweaty palms, headache, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, profuse sweating, stank pits, jungle rot, testicular torsion, prolapsed anus, and the green apple splatters. If, while reading the LUGNuts Roundups, you experience erections lasting longer than four hours, then discontinue use of the LUGNuts Roundups and consult your doctor. Or a porn agency. They may be interested in your particular ailment. But if all goes well, sit back, relax, and enjoy the LUGNuts Roundups. This one is all about The Great Outdoors.

And the cause of some of these symptoms? John Marshmallow. First on the marshmallow slab, he tackles a made up pickup truck called "A Flaming Pig" cuz it apparently just squeals Great Outdoors. Is it just me or can you also hear banjos? Like Dueling Banjos. Squeal like a pig, boy!

Gavril D35 V8 4WD Custom "The Flaming Pig"

Man, I started us off on an unsettling note! I guess this is just how the roundups are gonna be, and no Burt Reynolds with his massive hairy chest, fabulous mustache, and devel-may-care, gum-chewing attitude can save us now. Here's a Subaru Loyale.

1991 Subaru Loyale Wagon

How's the aforementioned nausea and profuse sweating? Is it happening yet? Next the human Marshmallow "Deliverance"s us from evil and saves the day with another made up off-roader, the Aviator Ronolit RCDX2, which apparently is too big to properly fit in his photo studio.

2014 Aviator Ronolit RCDX2(TNS1-2FRS/FRS/RC-TB)

The one thing you don't want to find indoors is a porcupine. That's why this little made up car, aptly called The Porcupine, is a valid entry for The Great Outdoors. Now get outside, you little runt!

2018 Aviator Porcupine(RCMF-2MROR/NRC-4T)

Next young Mr. Marshmallow pounds out the Citroen Cactus, which actually turns out to be a real car. Whether it be a porcupine or a cactus, these are two prickly things you don't want to find in your pants.

2015 Citroen C4 Cactus

Bet you didn't see that coming. Nor did anyone see the six-wheeled Mercedes GEO Traveler coming as built by Loek M. It is an entry that is as unexpected as a well-written lesbian vampire fantasy.

Mercedes GEO Traveller

Also something shamelessly alluring and with a lot of bite is the Ford Ranger pick-up truck, and if that's not extreme enough, it also has a Rally Spec brother. Which would you choose to become eternal in?

Ford Ranger and Rally Car Modification

For those firmly lodged with Team Jacob instead, here is something made in 'Merica, therefore its badass. Its a Local Motors Rally Fighter rendered by Paulo D. What? I throw one Twilight joke in and y'all get your panties in a bunch! I see how it is!

Local Motors Rally Fighter

But if you're all about Team Edward you'd surely like this Ariel Nomad. With the Nomad you can get the The Great Outdoors all up in your face as you're speeding through the forest with your cheeks flapping in the breeze. Glittery vampires are dreamy!

Ariel Nomad

You're right, Twilight isn't even relevant anymore. But ya gotta admit, few years back, if you were a 16 year old girl or gay, it was a life-changer for one hot minute there. What are 16 year old girls and gays into now? I'm guessing it would be this VW Transporter T3 camper Van built by Johnni D. As in…get into this camper van, little girl!

VW Transporter T3 Off-road camper

I am soooo going to hell for that! What's with me today? But before I go, I want to show you this seemingly wheel-less Saab 92H camper also built by JohnniD.

Saab 92H Motorhome

Now here is an entry that will redeem my soul. See, whenever Ricardo Prates a.k.a. Biczzz submits something, suddenly I am not American. Nope, I go back to my roots, my ancestry and become fully 100% Portuguese in an effort to become more like my countryman. here's an UMM Alter II, a Portuguese vehicle suitable for the roads less traveled.

UMM Alter II

Ricardo, who's farts smell like roses and can do no wrong, graces us again with this Sherp ATV. Did I mention Ricardo is Portuguese? And so am I. America? Never heard of it! Nosiree, I am 100% Portuguese. Like all Portuguese citizens I have one of them magical Portuguese rooster decorations in my kitchen. True story, bro. Just Google it, you freaks!

Sherp ATV

Peter Blackert, whose sadly not Portuguese, knows nothing of being one of the world's most perfect citizens as evidenced by this Mercedes-Benz Unimog U500. It is a mini land version of the official Technic set put out by LEGO. It has all of the engineering functions but none of this engineering accounts for the fact that Peter surely lacks a Portuguese rooster in his kitchen.

Mercedes-Benz Unimog U500 (Series 405 - 2000)

You know who else is Portuguese? Marcos Bessa. You know that dreamboat LEGO designer and musical performer? Yeah. Totally Portuguese. Peter doesn't work for LEGO. No, he works for some stupid company…like…Ford…or something. He designs real cars. Like he had a hand in designing this 2015 U375 Everest SUV.

Ford Everest (U375 - 2015)

He also had a hand in designing this 2015 P375 Ranger. But has he known the joys of green wine, putting olive oil on his potatoes, and having perfectly bronzed skin that doesn't burn in the Mediterranean sun? I'd think not.

Ford Ranger P375-2015 Wildtrack Pickup

We can't razz Peter too much though. In spite of not knowing the joys of a toddler's clean and beautiful feet stomping grapes to become a fine, high-end wine, he has produced one of the prettier dioramas we've seen in awhile. Enjoy this Land Rover DC 100.

Land Rover DC 100 Concept

I know what you're thinking. Life is OK, but would be so much better if you had a self propelled crop sprayer. Right? Right? See, I know you better than you think I do. Thankfully, Peter (and life) has answered our prayers with this Amazone Pantera 4502, a vehicle known as a 'Self Propelled Crop Sprayer'.

Amazone Pantera 4502 Self Propelled Crop Sprayer

Having a self propelled crop sprayer is fine and good but there comes a time in every man's life when the urge to drive to the North Pole and take a crap off the tailgate of a pickup truck becomes just too overwhelming to ignore. For this reason, there is the Toyota Hilux Double Cab, which was featured on Top Gear. Finally you can take a dump on top of the world!

Toyota Hilux - TopGear Arctic Special

Next Peter shows some love for the Polish builder known as Karwik and the equally Polish Ursus C-360 Tractor. Like most of Karwik's work, this render is chock full of good details and period correct industrial coloring.

Ursus C-360 Tractor (1976 - 1992)

We live by one code and one code only here at LUGNuts. That code being: If its brown, flush it down. But we might have to make an exception for this A6 Allroad Quattro (C7 Generation 2012–present) in lovely dark brown.

Audi A6 Allroad (C7 - 2012)

Knowing full well this roundup would go to potty humor sooner or later, Peter makes it easier with this Renault Trafic LWB Pickup with Portaloo Trailer. Some feel the world is their urinal, but for the rest of us, doing business in The Great Outdoors can be a challenge. For us, there is the Portaloo or Honey Bucket as we call them around here. I can assure you, there is no honey in that bucket!

Renault Trafic LWB Pickup - Council Truck - 2001

Peter ends his onslaught of entries (wow! well within a reasonable timeframe) with this Land Rover Defender 90 V8 with Boston Whaler in tow as owned by Jerry Seinfeld. Apparently there is a podcast called Comedians in cars getting coffee and this particular vehicle was featured in one. Check out Peter's link of the podcast if you care to.

Land Rover Defender 90 V8 - Jerry Seinfeld - The Unsinkable Legend

With all-wheel drive, the Audi Quattro AWD RS6 as rendered by Sam Sir Manperson makes snow days fun for adults again. Which is fortunate, considering snow days are usually an arduous chore for adults, what with the shoveling of the driveway and punching neighbors in the balls.

Audi RS6 Avant - 11-wide - Lego

While it may be fun to go out in the snow, the prior entry doesn't quite raze and pillage The Great Outdoors enough. No, when you want to really show Mother nature who's boss, for this you'll need something fiercer. Something meaner. Something like this Audi Off-Road RS6.

Audi RS6 Off-Roader - 11 - 13-wide - Lego

No stranger to pillaging and showing the land no mercy is Lino Martins. Childhood shenanigans like burning ants with a magnifying glass must have gotten to me because I present my 1974 Ford Bronco with a kinder, gentler message. When in The Great Outdoors, take only photos and leave only footprints.

1974 Ford Bronco

rkc62 tells us that the Ariel Nomad has become famous since Matt LeBlanc did a feature on Top Gear and that a 2WD off-roader shouldn't work, but this one looks like fun. I wouldn't know because unless a Top Gear presenter doesn't know when to shut his trap, then I don't watch. Is the new cast any good?

Ariel Nomad

Differentiating himself from all the other Emmanuel Iskandars around here, and thus possibly opening himself up to identity theft, Emmanuel Spencer Iskandar tells us that the Jaguar F-Pace is Jaguar's first SUV.

Jaguar F-Pace

He also tells us the Bentley Bentayga is one of the most luxurious cars in the world that can also go off-roading. It seems a bit of identity theft has already happened as this Bentley looks suspiciously just like his first entry except a different color.

Bentley Bentayga

When it comes to elected officials who enjoy passing important bills into law and chewing on empty toilet paper tubes, there is no stealing the identity of the one and only Senator Chinchilla I believe this may also be the one and only Mitsubishi Pajero done up in LEGO.

Mitsubishi Pajero

And that wraps up our roundup all about The Great Outdoors. This could be the vodka lemon aid talking but it kinda leaves a warm and fuzzy feeling, doesn't it? With these entries I can just feel the cool breeze in my hair, smell the campfire, and hear the soothing campfire songs of some gentle bearded Christian. Kumbaya, my lord, indeed! Now where the hell is my shotgun? While I find the ammo to scare this unwashed hippie off my lawn, we have a new build challenge in the works called. Exclusive Edition…all about special or limited edition cars for those willing to pay extra for opulence and luxury. Yes, sometimes you just don't want to look at the passengers in coach. Is that so wrong, to want to feel uppity and exclusionary? We'll find out next month. So tune in again to see how we do. Now let me take care of this problem before a full on drum circle breaks out. See ya next time!