Thursday, June 25, 2015

Anger Management Roundup

Naomi Campbell has been assaulting her assistants since '98. Alec Baldwin frequently gets hot under the collar and once called his daughter a rude, thoughtless pig. Christian Bale went on a heated tirade and threatened and belittled the director of photography on a movie set. Michael Richards shouted some naughty words that ended his career and Mel Gibson…well, let's just say he shoulda stopped at "sugar tits." What do they all have in common? They could all use some anger management. Come to think of it, the rest of us can use some anger management too. Some cars are like that. The Dodge Ram just screams abusive dickbag at the wheel and the Plymouth Fury is not so nice either. Some cars even have what appears to be a snarling, growling pissed off robot turtle face. Ya gotta admit, angry, aggressive cars are kinda cool. That's why we have this roundup. So sit back, grab yourself an Angry Orchid cider and try, if you can, to turn that frown upside-down while we show you some angry and aggressive cars. You dickbags!

Sam Sir Manperson starts us off on the hissy fit that is the Prowler GT-FR. Prowlers are not such nice people, as it turns out. Clearly they haven't been hugged enough. Or maybe too much.

Prowler GT-FR

Sam comes back later with an all important question? What do you think of when you think aggressive and menacing? He tells us me after a bad roundup is his first choice, but second would be a shark…especially the mako or great white. But unlike me, sharks are beautiful creatures with perfectly streamlined bodies and was inspiration for this entry.

Shark inspired 4-wide

Later Sam asks, How do you make an aggressive car more aggressive? he likes to start his entries with a question, apparently. If you guessed a super up engine and flames, you'd be dead wrong. The answer...Ridiculous rear wings, grills, slats and winglets, obviously.


Probably the angriest LUGNut of all is Ralph Savelsberg. Don't let that mild mannered doctorate degree fool ya, Ralph is a seething cauldron of hate. Take this Mitsubishi Eclipse, f'instance. Well, OK, unless Mitsubishi means "dickbags" in Japanese, its not such an angry name, but it does have an aggressive monster under the hood. It also starred in a little art house film called The Fast and the Furious.

The Fast and the Furious Mitsubishi Eclipse

Ralph comes back for round two and pounds out another ripshit entry, this one the Ford Falcon Interceptor from Mad Max starring Mel Gibson. Both Character and actor could use a little anger management. Its a bad day indeed when you are court ordered to publicly apologize to every Jewish person who has ever lived.

Mad Max Ford Falcon Interceptor

No stranger to having to apologize to the entire Jewish community is Nathan Proudlove. He boasts what is clearly the angriest and scariest entry of them all, the Red Roaster from the video game Angry Birds Go.

My entry for this month's LUGNuts challenge, Anger Management. The Red Roaster from Angry Birds Go.

In what can only be described as a furious rampage, Peter Blackert once again pounds out a slew of angry entries that makes you wanna punch Justin Bieber in the balls. Who hasn't wanted to do that, right? Long before anyone was a Belieber, there was this demonic Plymouth Fury who went by the name of Christine.

Plymouth Fury 1957 - Modified (Christine - Stephen King)

Whether it be the Ram or the Viper seems everything Dodge makes bears a name that conjure the spirit of unbridled belligerence. No exception to this rule is the 2015 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat.

Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat (2015)

Leading the pack of angry cars for Dodge is the aforementioned Viper launched in '92 and shown here in Kermit green. Cuz if there's one thing you think of when you think of anger, its Kermit.

Dodge Viper RT/10 - 1994

Miss Piggy, however…bit on the snippy side. Switching over to Ford side now, is the Mercury Cougar Eliminator pictured here with a cougar as in big cat as well as a cougar meaning a sexy mature lady who prefers the company of younger men.

Mercury Cougar Eliminator Hardtop (1970)

Speaking of Susan Sarandon, if she doesn't mind something produced in '71, I'm down for hanging out, watching Game of Thrones, playing video games, whatever. Call me, baby. As most of my relationships end in restraining orders, then she may like instead this '71 Ford Falcon.

Ford Falcon XY GT-HO Phase III (1971)

Peter then teams up with Ralph for a pair of angry rides, this one the Night Rider, a black clad Ford Falcon that was chased by Ralph's Interceptor. Apparently things did not go well for the Night Rider.

Holden HQ Monaro MFP Interceptor (Mad Max)

Peter angrily pounds out some more belligerent Australian muscle, this time the 1985 Holden VK Commodore SS Group 'A', nicknamed the 'Blue Meanie', due to the fact it was the only color the car was available in.

Holden VK HDT  Commodore SS Group-A 'Blue Meanie' (1985)

If two wheels are more your way to get your rocks off, why not try out the Ducati Monster 1100 EVO, the 2010 edition of the iconic 'naked' bike, equipped with the largest factory engine on any bike. Booyeah!

Ducati Monster 1100 EVO Custom (2010)

You can just assume anything from the mid 60's and Pontiac was angry. Here's the 1966 Pontiac GTO, sort of the bar that was set for all muscle cars to follow. Mad Max would be proud!

Pontiac GTO Hardtop (1966)

All this talk of Mad Max. Fury Road was awesome! The main character was thankfully not played by the washed up anti-Semite Mel Gibson, but rather new guy Tom Hardy, who was an excellent choice. He doesn't seem to have anger issues in real life but he's played some belligerent baddys, namely Bronson, Bane and now Mad Max. Here is his Interceptor.

Ford Falcon V8 Interceptor Rebuild (Mad Max - Fury Road)

Not as intimidating as Mad Max but just as angry is Michael Douglas in Falling Down. In the movie he goes ape poopy over the price of tuna fish…or something. Here's his brown '78 Chevette that got him started on a downward spiral into madness.

Chevrolet Chevette 5-Door Hatchback (1978), From the Film 'Falling Down' (1993)

Seems Peter's Chief Engineer at his company is due to pick up a 2016 Ford Mustang Shelby GT 350R Coupe. Just look at that color and styling! Its enough to turn anyone irate. Like punch Justin Beiber in the balls irate.

Ford Mustang Shelby GT 350R (S550 - 2016)

Turns out K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider had a mortal enemy named…K.A.R.R. or Knight Automated Roving Robot. If K.I.T.T. is a bit of a nerd and a wuss, K.A.R.R. was its bad boy counterpart.They apparently duke it out in a mid-season rumble. I guess it wasn't cool enough for a season finale.

K.A.R.R. - Knight Industries Roving Robot (Knight Rider TV Series - 1984)

I'm not sure if it has an aggressive name, but the Ferrari F12 Berlinetta is plenty fast and furious. Still it sounds like a ballet dance move. Like the pirouette or the arabesque.

Ferrari F12 Berlinetta (2012)

I can still hear the signature horn blast from the movie The Car. This dark beast, designed by George Barris, is evil incarnate. You truly owe it to yourselves to track down this 1977 classic film.

The Car ('The Car' - 1977)

Lastly Peter pounds out this '71 Hemi 'Cuda. if you're wondering how that is an aggressive name, you'd have to be in a coma to know that 'cuda is short for barracuda, a fish that instills lifelong fear at first sight.

Plymouth 1971 HEMI 'Cuda Hardtop

New guy No7erics renders his own concoction called a Thirmo…aggressive cuz it probably makes you think of "thermometer" or "thermal detox pants." I believe it may be a misspelling of Thermo. Either way, I'm not sure if this could be built with real LEGO bricks in that color. Remember, every time you render something that can't be built in real life, God kills a kitten.

THIRMO Café Roadster (Concept car) 003

If anyone needs anger management its Darth Vader. I mean, seriously, he finds out Luke and Leia are his obnoxious kids and they've kissed. Its enough to turn any Sith dad to the Dark Side. That's why Lino Martins rolls out with the Darth Vader Hotwheels car to take the edge off all that anger.

Darth Vader Car

Besides having a not very aggressive name, F@abs conjures up something with an equally non-aggressive name, the Peugeot Lanius. How about the Ford Sunflower or the Chevy Poutine? What it lacks in aggressive name more than makes up for it in cool design, anyway.

Peugeot Lanius (01)

Satisfying both this challenge and the future of McLaren contest over at Rebrick, Peteris Sprogis pounds out four concept McLarens that don't quite deserve their own write ups. What? You rehash from another contest and I have the right to put forth a minimal effort in my write up. Its only fair.

McLaren conceptcar

McLaren design studio

McLaren PLM 1

McLaren E_11

Nathanael L says he's not even sure if this is angry enough but he submits a Nola Vivace anyway. The color is aggressive enough but it could use more shark fins. Maybe even a bear trap on the hood. A flaming skull would not be without its charms.

Nola Vivace S (1)

With plenty of shark fins, bear traps and flaming skulls to go around, Tim Inman demonstrates the purpose of this whole damned build challenge…to showcase badass cars from Mad Max: Fury Road. The vehicles were the star of the show, and arguably the biggest and baddest star of them all was The Gigahorse.

Mad Max: Fury Road "The Gigahorse"

And that brings us to a close of our all aggressive, all angry build challenge. Did you turn that frown upside-down or did it only serve to make you angrier? I've got something that can take the sails out of any murderous rampage. Caitlin Jenner! What? For a 65 year old broad who like 10 minutes ago was a weird-faced former Olympic medalist named Bruce, she's looking pretty good. You should look so good when you turn 65! Anyway, what does the future of this blog hold besides an abysmal readership and more jokes about poutine and transgendered olympians? How about Stuck in the 90's…all about cars, trucks, and bikes from…when, you guessed it, the 90's! It's sure to be chock full of 90's references like Zima and bib overalls, so come on back next month to see how we do. In the meantime, get off my lawn, dickbags! And we wonder why our readership is so low.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Fools Rush In! …Roundup

It turns out highway rest stops harbor an entire secret society of folks that communicate with covert signals and messages. For example, one tap of the foot while in a toilet stall means you are out of toilet paper and you like the fellow in the next stall to kindly pass you some more and two taps of the foot means you require some urgent ass buggery. Or is it the other way around? I always get the two mixed up. Anyway, details like that are not all that important when we have a little challenge called Fools Rush In…a foolish challenge with 15 totally balls-out rock stupid and impractical sub-categories to choose from. Whether yours be a lemon, a bat mobile, or a zinger, the sky is the limit when you have 15 totally fool hearty concepts to choose from. Oh, and I probably shouldn't crack any more jokes like the opener. You see, it turns out my dad is an avid reader of this blog and he was mighty upset by last month's roundup, which led me to my huge rant about what charities I give to and whatnot. Instead of taking it with humor and good sport as you all have been doing these past seven years, he insists that I set you all straight on how I was really raised. OK then. Welcome to an all shirtless-at-the-dinner-table-while-telling-Polish-jokes edition of the roundups!

Lino Martins proves that fools rush in indeed by being the first entry of this month's challenge. It's not exactly the Pinto that I spent most of my early childhood in, but this Gremlemin is just as lemony. When life hands you lemons, make a really cool lemon themed custom out of it as per the Lemon Fresh Scent sub-category.

AMC Gremlemin

Ralph Savelsberg brings some much needed class to this otherwise foolish challenge early on with this Bentley State Limousine designed for the Queen Mum, and thus satisfying the Stretch it Good sub-category. With his PHD, Ralph makes the Queen…and incidentally, his own dad, proud, albeit, he tells us, embarrassingly so.

Bentley State Limousine

What Queen Mum wouldn't like a ride in Ralph's second entry, the sha-wing boner enduring Mirth-Mobile, from Wayne's World? This entry denotes both the Lemon Fresh Scent and High School Cool sub-categories and features Wayne and Garth. Party on, Ralph!

Wayne's World Mirth Mobile

Sam Sir Manperson's dad raised him right as evidenced by his totally manly name and this render of a Dakar Octan truck of his own design, thus denoting the Dakar Rally Sport sub-category. Clearly Sam followed the tried and true fatherly advice of "go big or go home"!

Octan Dakar Truck - more pictures soon

Clearly Tim Inman's dad is Ed "Big Daddy" Roth as evidenced by this Druid Princess thus satisfying the sub-category of Show Us Your Rod. We ask and Tim lays out his big purple rod in front of god and everybody! I see no correlation whatsoever between this Druid Princess and bad parenting, so don't try to read too deeply into it.

Ed Roth's "Druid Princess"

Clearly a failure in the eyes of his mom and dad is Aussie Ford Engineer, Peter Blackert and his slew of entries. First on the slab satisfies the Art Car 2015 sub-category and is a BMW M1 Procar as painted by Andy Warhol in 1979. Talk about shame to his family! Warhol had an IQ of 80, but he ended up richer and more famous than all of us put together so who's the dumbass now?

BMW M1 Procar Racer - BMW Art Car #4, Andy Warhol - 1979

Fast forward to 1989 and artist Ken Done painted this BMW M3 Racer to represent Australian wildlife. Apparently BMW did a whole series of these. And I thought "art cars" were just the old clunkers you glued hundreds of toy lobsters to and brought to Burning Man for a naked, drug-fueled weekend of debauchery in the Nevada desert.

BMW M3 Racer - BMW Art Car #8, Ken Done - 1989

Maybe all of the really dumb car cultures exist only in the US? Further cementing this notion, is Peter's next entry for the Monster Truck Mania sub-category. Gravedigger is probably the most famous monster truck ever, even surpassing it's Big Foot predecessor. Crack open a Miller Lite!

Grave Digger - Chevrolet 1950 Panel Van Monster Truck

Or in my house...nothing. Yeah, we weren't drinkers growing up so I have no idea where I got my penchant for microbrews and distain for cheap beer. Next on the Peter agenda is a 1973 Datsun 120 Y Fastback Coupe, thus satisfying both Lemon Fresh Scent and High School Cool categories. This was apparently the most ridiculed car in all of Australia.

Datsun 120Y Fastback Coupe (B210 - 1973)

Being not from around here, Peter doesn't much understand the Donk scene, but it didn't stop him from perfectly representing the subculture with this custom 1971 Chevrolet Impala 454 Convertible called Polar Bear. Actually, Donks don't venture much outside the American south rap scene so not getting the phenomenon is entirely understandable.

Polar Bear - Chevrolet 1971 Impala Convertible Donk

Turns out, even Alpha Romeo can occasionally produce a lemony flop. The 1983 Alfa Romeo Arna was a result of Italian and Japanese parentage. The end result was a combination of the worst of both, as the car was unreliable, un-interesting, and assembled with typical Italian dis-interest. Wait, how is it that I don't have a really bad ethnic joke for this one? Dad, any suggestions?

Alfa Romeo Arna (Type 920 - 1983)

But Alpha Romeo isn't all about lemons. In fact, most of what they do is totally balls-out awesome and sometimes batshit crazy. Take, f'instance this 1953Alfa Romeo BAT5 - Berlinetta Aerodinamic Tecnica - Bertone. It predates any Batmobile but it fits nicely in the To The Batmobile sub-category. Even my own dad can't deny it's batshit awesomeness!

Alfa Romeo BAT5 (Berlientta Aerodinamica Tecnica - Bertone 1953)

Actually, I think my dad was a fan of Pimp My Ride back in its heyday. Its the show where "your boy Xzibit" shows up at some teenager's door, they swear like a mother trucker, then they unleash the dudes from West Coast Customs to give their ill rides some much needed krunk. Confused yet? Perhaps Peter's before and after entries will clear the air. First, this beat-down 1991 Toyota Celica.

Toyota Celica Coupe - 1990 (Pimp my Ride - Season 5, Episode 7)

Next is the result when Shawna's Celica is loaded with Lambo doors, a bunch of mid-aught era tech gadgets and a tiger paint scheme. She performed the obligatory screaming/ jumping/ weeping/ laughing/ back-flipping routine and all was right with the world. Still confused? Then you just ain't fly, dawg!

Toyota Celica Coupe 'Pimped' - 1990 (Pimp my Ride - Season 5, Episode 7)

What's with this 1982 Volkswagen Santana? Turns out, with the help of the Germans, it is China's first foray into the production of mass-market automobiles and the most popular vehicle sold in China. Thus this fits into the Made In China sub-category. They've now taken over the world because of this.Why is this category among an all foolish  and dumb car challenge? Do I need to explain everything to you people?

Volkswagen B2 Santana (China - 1982)

Another show you probably won't get is Monster Garage. The year was 2002. Season 1, episode 1. Jesse James assembles a team of crackpot mechanics to turn this rather conservative looking 1990 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer Edition SUV into something it wasn't...

Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer Edition (UN46 - 1990)

...A tricked out trash collector aptly named White Trash. Toward the end of the program, it showed up at 5am in a wealthy neighborhood and made a huge racket while collecting the curbside trash. Its all laughable now, but I can assure you, a certain budding LEGO car builder's mind was blown! I have no doubt, this was the start of my interest in cars and thus the start of LUGNuts.

Ford Explorer - 'White Trash' (Monster Garage)

In that regard, I was raised by Jesse James, and not so much my dad. Well, that explains a lot, then! My father figure was a tattooed womanizing malcontent thug only three years older than me. So you're off the hook, dad. A guy named Capacinio rounds out our challenge with a tangy classic lemon, a 1959 Edsel Ranger...a name synonymous with failure and shame.

1959 Edsel Ranger

Is that all of them? Seems it is. I wasn't even shirtless at the dinner table while writing this either. Nor was there nary a Polish joke to be heard. Sorry guys, maybe next time. Instead I've got that Harry Chapin song stuck in my head for some reason...the one about the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. I can't figure out why. Anywho, what does the future of this blog hold? Anger Management. No, its not my court appointed obligation in the aftermath of going apeshit at the supermarket as a result of spending my early childhood in a Pinto, but rather a build challenge showcasing aggressive cars. So instead of throwing Justin Bieber through a plate glass window, why not get your jollies off by building yourself a mean and nasty ride? Whether yours be a Dodge Ram, a Chevy Avenger, a Mercury Cougar...or every car from Mad Max: Fury Road, the sky is the limit when we build mean and aggressive vehicles. The more you build, the more I get to crack angry jokes as I lash out on society. That's how it works. You build. I crack jokes. Dad gets mad. A good laugh is had by all. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. Capiche? Good!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Over A Million, Under A Thousand Roundup

I was in the LEGO store the other day when I grabbed the last HulkBuster Iron Man set. From some kid's hand. Who looked a little like Tiny Tim. Then he said while standing with his wobbly crutches "please, kind sir, a poor little urchin from the orphanage, I am. I've saved me shillings for a year to save up for that. May I have it back, please?" He had a British accent for some reason. He looked up at me with big puppy eyes and coughed. I farted in his face, then convinced everyone he did it cuz he was as filthy as truck stop restroom. Then I made out with his mom…which was weird considering the kid told me he was an orphan. Then I drove home with my Hulkbuster Iron Man set and threw it in the closet forgotten next to thousands of dollars worth of other LEGO sets I'll probably never use. There's a lesson to be learned in all of this. That being; good looking people are better people. That's why I'm in charge around here. Life is full of disparity like that. That's why they load first class into the plane first, give them drinks, then parade the unwashed masses into coach. This challenge called Over A Million, Under A Thousand will hopefully offer plenty of comparisons between the extravagantly rich and desperately poor, between the "have mores" and the "have none at all". So sit back, pour yourself a drink and ejoy the roundup. If you're rich, I recommend the 1811 Château d’Yquem. If you're poor, a 40oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon concealed in a paper bag.

Loek1990 starts us off and shows us how the other half live with this Maybach Landaulet. It is a half convertible, half closed luxury sedan with loads of comfort.

Maybach 62S Landaulet

If you have well over a million to spend on your means from getting from point A to point B but want to do it in once second flat, the 2015 Ferrari Formula 1 car built by Nathanael L. is just what you need.

Ferrari SF15-T (1)

Mr. Koenigsegg lives up to his name and asked the all important question; why pay $1.7 million for a crappy Bugatti Veyron when you can pay $3 million for a Koenigsegg Agera R? Why indeed.

Lego Koenigsegg Agera R

Predictably your fearless leader Lino Martins stinks up the joint and the environment with this ratted out diesel powered volksrod. The comments say it all: "a hippie dream turned to a hippie nightmare" and "ugly, rude, and unapologetic, just like the builder". Yep, pretty much.

Volksrod Ratrod

Life just ain't worth living unless you can make poor people cry with your brand new Bugatti Veyron, the first of many very rich cars built by Peter. he tells us it has a removable roof panel so that commoners can see his tan and his choice of "hired company".

Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse - La Finale

And by hired company I presume he means Mexican day laborers. They're perfect for when you need help in the garden or your swimming pool cleaned. You just give em' twenty bucks and send them back to the Home Depot parking lot from whence they came. Here's an Aston Martin DBR2 Racer.

Aston Martin DBR2 Racer (1957-1959)

This Ferrari 275 GTB/C Speciale Berlinetta serial number 06701 - Scaglietti 1964 sold at auction for an eye watering $26,400,000 in August 2014. What? To who? Captain and Tennille? I just looked them up and…no, they're not worth that much.

Ferrari 275 GTB/C Speciale (1964 - Scaglietti)

Turns out love didn't keep those two together. Nor could they afford this Ferrari 250 GTO s/n 3445GT, even in their heyday. It was, however the basis for the official LEGO/Shell/Ferrari promotional set #40192. 

Ferrari 250 GTO Berlinetta s/n 3445GT (1962 - Scaglietti)

Peter must be on a particular car with serial number kick as he presents this Ferrari 250 Testarossa sn 0714TR, which auctioned for more than 12 million, half of which your trophy wife will get when she divorces you for a teenage fashion model.

Ferrari 250 Testarossa  s/n 0714TR (1958 - Scaglietti)

Once that happens you can remedy your woes with this 67' Ferrari 330 P4 sn 0856. It would only cost you 20 million and the satisfaction of knowing the fashion model your trophy wife left you for is just a gay little twink boy anyway. No, I'm not bitter!

Ferrari 330 P4 Sports Prototype (1967 - sn 0856)

Anyway, showing us how the other half live, Peter presents this '89 Audi V8 Saloon that he found on the Australian CarPoint website for about $1300 AU. Apparently cars of this caliber and price range don't last long as when he went to check on the ad again, it was gone.

Audi V8 (1989)

Bummer! Back to the lifestyles of the rich and famous, because, let's face it, they're just that much more exciting, this 1936 Mercedes-Benz 540K Spezial Coupe - Sindelfingen will set you back over 3 million. Bruce Jenner's impeding sex change will cost far less.

Mercedes-Benz 540K Spezial Coupe - Sindelfingen (1936)

If you have nearly 1.2 million just burning a whole in your privileged pockets, you may be thrilled to learn you can spend it on this 1938  Erdman & Rossi Zeppelin DS8 Roadster . Incidentally, that is how much Charlie Sheen spent on hookers and cocaine last year.

Maybach Zeppelin DS8 Roadster (1938 - Erdman & Rossi)

4 million will buy you the 2006 Ferrari / Pininfarina / Glickenhaus P4/5, or roughly only half what Justin Bieber spends on hair products. He's like the King Joffrey of pop. You know…Game of Thrones? Don't you idiots have cable?

Ferrari / Pininfarin / Glickenhaus P4/5 (2006)

Anyway, clearly a rags to riches story here, the '71 Plymouth HEMI 'Cuda Convertible is a decidedly blue collar, hard working muscle car now worth $2,420,000…or roughly what Kim Kardashian spends on Blackberrys. Yep, she buys them by the truckload off of ebay thinking they'll go extinct. You should sell her yours now.

Plymouth 1971 HEMI 'Cuda Convertible

For $6,710,000  you can get this 250 GT TdF LWB Berlinetta 'Tour de France' sn 0585GT… or this amount would allegedly buy your silence if you happened to have been a young boy who has become acquainted with Michael Jackson. There goes another investment opportunity down the drain!

Ferrari 250 GT LWB Berlinetta 'Tour de France' (Scaglietti - 1956)

$4,510,000 will get you this 1935 Walker - LaGrande SJ Convertible Coupe, or, if you're Lady Gaga, nearly the same amount buys you an electro-magnetic field reader for your home that is said to detect…ghosts.

Duesenberg SJ Convertible-Coupe (Walker LaGrande - 1935)

Ferris Bueller takes a day off and makes the Ferrari 250 GT LWB California Spyder famous. The black with red example here was originally delivered new to Prince Vittorio Emanuele di Savoia, was sold at auction in 2010 for $2,612,500.

Ferrari 250 GT LWB California Spyder (Scaglietti 1959)

$2,200,000 will get you a Bentley 8-Litre Open Tourer YR5076…or an organic blonde weave for Beyonce. It was allegedly made from two sisters who ate nothing but organic, healthy food for two years in order to produce healthy hair.

Bentley 8-Litre, 1931 Open Tourer by Harrison

$3,342,080 will get you a '58 Ferrari 250 GT LWB Berlinetta 'Tour de France' sn 1039GT. Apparently not learning a thing from his financial woes, Nicholas Cage paid a hefty sum and outbid Leonardo Di Caprio for a skull of a Tyranosaurus Rex. 

Ferrari 250 GT LWB Berlinetta 'Tour de France' (Scaglietti - 1958)

I didn't know there was a such thing as a 4 cylinder racing Ferrari, but apparently these little guys can command price tags matching their bigger brothers. This Ferrari 500 TRC, sn 0670MDTR sold in 2011 for US$3,050,600.

Ferrari 500 TRC Spider (Scaglietti - 1957)

A mere 1 million dollars seems like Ramen noodles compared to some of the higher priced cars mentioned here, but the rare '48 Tucker Torpedo Convertible will set you back about that much. Victoria Beckham famously spent nearly double that on an hour long shopping spree.

Tucker Torpedo Convertible (1948 - Tremulis)

Awhile ago Peter debuted a General Motors Futurliner - Parade of Progress disguised as a Slave I. Apparently Boba Fett makes a killing as a bounty hunter cuz this model will set you back a cool $4 million. He's a cool dude, that Fett-meister.

General Motors Futurliner - Parade of Progress (Harley Earl - 1950)

We know that rich people can afford cooler things but are they really better people? Woody Allen proved you can love your step-kids a little too much by marrying them. He and his daughter/bride can afford to drive this unique $8,250,000 Ferrari 410 S Berlinetta.

Ferrari 410 S Berlinetta (Scaglietti - 1955)

If you were the daughter of David Hasselhoff, you'll have to repress the memory of your shirtless, drunken dad eating a cheeseburger off the floor…which would be impossible since she posted it on Youtube. At 2.5million, he can easily afford this Ferrari F60 America.

Ferrari F60 America (2014)

There's nothing weirder and creepier than your own dad rubbing sun tan oil on your nubile bare ass, even if you are Brook Hogan. Seems the Hulkster has a thing for young girls and sun tan oil as he also had an affair with his daughter's friend. He can afford the legendary Ford GT40 Gulf/Mirage Racer P/1074.

Ford GT40 Gulf/Mirage Racer (1968)

At the age of 51, Doug Anthony Hutchinson (the creepy guy from The Green Mile) married a 16 year old model and no one was surprised. At $2,707,240 he can easily afford the Ferrari 206 S Dino Spyder s/n 006. Wait, what? Correction; I looked it up and he can barely afford it. 

Ferrari 206 S Dino Spyder (Carrozzeria Sports Cars - 1966)

At merely two serial numbers higher, perhaps the old weirdo would get a slightly better bargain with the Ferrari Dino 206 SP s/n 008. Still at $2,567,520 it leaves no money left for his young wife's hair products. Wait, what? She looks like THAT! Hot Damn!

Ferrari Dino 206 SP (Carrozzeria Sports Cars - 1966)

What else do we have? At a mere $1,017,500 the Type-46 Superprofile Coupe is one of the most affordable cars on the list. It seems MC Hammer "can't touch this" as it is far beyond his budget.

Bugatti Type-46 Superprofile Coupe (1930 - Jean Bugatti)

Seems getting cut off from daddy's fortune has wreaked havoc on poor Tori Spelling of 90210 fame. At $2,420,000 the Rolls- Royce Phantom II Continental Sport Coupe is far beyond her meager means.

Rolls-Royce Phantom II Continental Sport Coupe (1933 - Freestone & Webb)

Seems being the fat, slovenly mom, exploiter and abuser of Honey Boo Boo isn't all that it's cracked up to be. This Mercedes-Benz 300 SL Roadster will set ya back $1,842,500, which is far more than Mama June's net worth. I guess resembling Jabba the Hutt doesn't pay well these days.

Mercedes-Benz 300SL Roadster  (1957)

The McLaren F1  car #066 was sold at auction in 2013 for $8.47M. You'd think being a weird, freaky-faced, muscle bound prop comedian doesn't bring in the big bucks, but as it turns out, Carrot Top can afford about eight of these.

McLaren F1 (1997 - Gordon Murray)

Peter doesn't list a price for his final entry, the Ferrari 250 GT SWB Berlinetta Bertone sn 3269GT, but I imagine it would be well within the too rich for, let's say Snooki but well within the price range of George Lucas.

Ferrari 250 GT SWB Berlinetta sn 3269GT (1962 - Bertone / Giugiaro)

Firas Abu-Jaber makes a glorious return to the LUGNuts challenges with this over 1 million entry, the Mercedes-Benz SL300 Gullwing. Good to have ya back, Firas!

Mercedes-Benz 300SL (W198) AMG

Capachino proves that you can wait in line for government cheese and still afford a mercedes. He searched the ads and found a 1983 Mercedes-Benz 280E on for $980 Australian. MC Hammer, it seems your ship has come in after all!

1983 Mercedes-Benz 280E

Is that all of them? Seems it is! Well, I was hoping for more jokes that denote the differences between the very rich and the very poor but, as it turns out, expensive cars are just more exciting. And as we've learned, while they have all the money and trophy wives, rich people aren't always better people. What can ya do? So what's next on the LUGNuts slab anyway? Tune in again next month when we'll have a little challenge we like to call Fools Rush In. April is a foolish month so we have offered you 15 rock stupid automotive concepts for you to sink your dumbs teeth into. Everything from total lemons to freaky show rods to Fiat Pandas made into stretch limousines can be had when you put practicality aside and just be a bunch of complete dumb-asses. Sounds like fun! So invest in some VHS tapes, cuz I'm pretty sure that stock is going to skyrocket soon. When have I ever steered you wrong, anyway? C'mon back and we'll see what other foolish decisions we can make.