Tuesday, August 9, 2016

The Great Outdoors…Roundup

The LUGNuts Roundups are posts on this blog designed to accompany the monthly LUGNuts build challenges over at Flickr. While reading the LUGNuts Roundups, some test subjects have reported everything from mild amusement, to rising bewilderment, to uncontrollable laughter. Ask your doctor if the LUGNuts Roundups are right for you. Some side effects from reading the LUGNuts Roundups can include mild discomfort, runny nose, dizziness, chronic fatigue, sneezing, bloating, mild irritation of the skin, dry mouth, sweaty palms, headache, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, profuse sweating, stank pits, jungle rot, testicular torsion, prolapsed anus, and the green apple splatters. If, while reading the LUGNuts Roundups, you experience erections lasting longer than four hours, then discontinue use of the LUGNuts Roundups and consult your doctor. Or a porn agency. They may be interested in your particular ailment. But if all goes well, sit back, relax, and enjoy the LUGNuts Roundups. This one is all about The Great Outdoors.

And the cause of some of these symptoms? John Marshmallow. First on the marshmallow slab, he tackles a made up pickup truck called "A Flaming Pig" cuz it apparently just squeals Great Outdoors. Is it just me or can you also hear banjos? Like Dueling Banjos. Squeal like a pig, boy!

Gavril D35 V8 4WD Custom "The Flaming Pig"

Man, I started us off on an unsettling note! I guess this is just how the roundups are gonna be, and no Burt Reynolds with his massive hairy chest, fabulous mustache, and devel-may-care, gum-chewing attitude can save us now. Here's a Subaru Loyale.

1991 Subaru Loyale Wagon

How's the aforementioned nausea and profuse sweating? Is it happening yet? Next the human Marshmallow "Deliverance"s us from evil and saves the day with another made up off-roader, the Aviator Ronolit RCDX2, which apparently is too big to properly fit in his photo studio.

2014 Aviator Ronolit RCDX2(TNS1-2FRS/FRS/RC-TB)

The one thing you don't want to find indoors is a porcupine. That's why this little made up car, aptly called The Porcupine, is a valid entry for The Great Outdoors. Now get outside, you little runt!

2018 Aviator Porcupine(RCMF-2MROR/NRC-4T)

Next young Mr. Marshmallow pounds out the Citroen Cactus, which actually turns out to be a real car. Whether it be a porcupine or a cactus, these are two prickly things you don't want to find in your pants.

2015 Citroen C4 Cactus

Bet you didn't see that coming. Nor did anyone see the six-wheeled Mercedes GEO Traveler coming as built by Loek M. It is an entry that is as unexpected as a well-written lesbian vampire fantasy.

Mercedes GEO Traveller

Also something shamelessly alluring and with a lot of bite is the Ford Ranger pick-up truck, and if that's not extreme enough, it also has a Rally Spec brother. Which would you choose to become eternal in?

Ford Ranger and Rally Car Modification

For those firmly lodged with Team Jacob instead, here is something made in 'Merica, therefore its badass. Its a Local Motors Rally Fighter rendered by Paulo D. What? I throw one Twilight joke in and y'all get your panties in a bunch! I see how it is!

Local Motors Rally Fighter

But if you're all about Team Edward you'd surely like this Ariel Nomad. With the Nomad you can get the The Great Outdoors all up in your face as you're speeding through the forest with your cheeks flapping in the breeze. Glittery vampires are dreamy!

Ariel Nomad

You're right, Twilight isn't even relevant anymore. But ya gotta admit, few years back, if you were a 16 year old girl or gay, it was a life-changer for one hot minute there. What are 16 year old girls and gays into now? I'm guessing it would be this VW Transporter T3 camper Van built by Johnni D. As in…get into this camper van, little girl!

VW Transporter T3 Off-road camper

I am soooo going to hell for that! What's with me today? But before I go, I want to show you this seemingly wheel-less Saab 92H camper also built by JohnniD.

Saab 92H Motorhome

Now here is an entry that will redeem my soul. See, whenever Ricardo Prates a.k.a. Biczzz submits something, suddenly I am not American. Nope, I go back to my roots, my ancestry and become fully 100% Portuguese in an effort to become more like my countryman. here's an UMM Alter II, a Portuguese vehicle suitable for the roads less traveled.

UMM Alter II

Ricardo, who's farts smell like roses and can do no wrong, graces us again with this Sherp ATV. Did I mention Ricardo is Portuguese? And so am I. America? Never heard of it! Nosiree, I am 100% Portuguese. Like all Portuguese citizens I have one of them magical Portuguese rooster decorations in my kitchen. True story, bro. Just Google it, you freaks!

Sherp ATV

Peter Blackert, whose sadly not Portuguese, knows nothing of being one of the world's most perfect citizens as evidenced by this Mercedes-Benz Unimog U500. It is a mini land version of the official Technic set put out by LEGO. It has all of the engineering functions but none of this engineering accounts for the fact that Peter surely lacks a Portuguese rooster in his kitchen.

Mercedes-Benz Unimog U500 (Series 405 - 2000)

You know who else is Portuguese? Marcos Bessa. You know that dreamboat LEGO designer and musical performer? Yeah. Totally Portuguese. Peter doesn't work for LEGO. No, he works for some stupid company…like…Ford…or something. He designs real cars. Like he had a hand in designing this 2015 U375 Everest SUV.

Ford Everest (U375 - 2015)

He also had a hand in designing this 2015 P375 Ranger. But has he known the joys of green wine, putting olive oil on his potatoes, and having perfectly bronzed skin that doesn't burn in the Mediterranean sun? I'd think not.

Ford Ranger P375-2015 Wildtrack Pickup

We can't razz Peter too much though. In spite of not knowing the joys of a toddler's clean and beautiful feet stomping grapes to become a fine, high-end wine, he has produced one of the prettier dioramas we've seen in awhile. Enjoy this Land Rover DC 100.

Land Rover DC 100 Concept

I know what you're thinking. Life is OK, but would be so much better if you had a self propelled crop sprayer. Right? Right? See, I know you better than you think I do. Thankfully, Peter (and life) has answered our prayers with this Amazone Pantera 4502, a vehicle known as a 'Self Propelled Crop Sprayer'.

Amazone Pantera 4502 Self Propelled Crop Sprayer

Having a self propelled crop sprayer is fine and good but there comes a time in every man's life when the urge to drive to the North Pole and take a crap off the tailgate of a pickup truck becomes just too overwhelming to ignore. For this reason, there is the Toyota Hilux Double Cab, which was featured on Top Gear. Finally you can take a dump on top of the world!

Toyota Hilux - TopGear Arctic Special

Next Peter shows some love for the Polish builder known as Karwik and the equally Polish Ursus C-360 Tractor. Like most of Karwik's work, this render is chock full of good details and period correct industrial coloring.

Ursus C-360 Tractor (1976 - 1992)

We live by one code and one code only here at LUGNuts. That code being: If its brown, flush it down. But we might have to make an exception for this A6 Allroad Quattro (C7 Generation 2012–present) in lovely dark brown.

Audi A6 Allroad (C7 - 2012)

Knowing full well this roundup would go to potty humor sooner or later, Peter makes it easier with this Renault Trafic LWB Pickup with Portaloo Trailer. Some feel the world is their urinal, but for the rest of us, doing business in The Great Outdoors can be a challenge. For us, there is the Portaloo or Honey Bucket as we call them around here. I can assure you, there is no honey in that bucket!

Renault Trafic LWB Pickup - Council Truck - 2001

Peter ends his onslaught of entries (wow! well within a reasonable timeframe) with this Land Rover Defender 90 V8 with Boston Whaler in tow as owned by Jerry Seinfeld. Apparently there is a podcast called Comedians in cars getting coffee and this particular vehicle was featured in one. Check out Peter's link of the podcast if you care to.

Land Rover Defender 90 V8 - Jerry Seinfeld - The Unsinkable Legend

With all-wheel drive, the Audi Quattro AWD RS6 as rendered by Sam Sir Manperson makes snow days fun for adults again. Which is fortunate, considering snow days are usually an arduous chore for adults, what with the shoveling of the driveway and punching neighbors in the balls.

Audi RS6 Avant - 11-wide - Lego

While it may be fun to go out in the snow, the prior entry doesn't quite raze and pillage The Great Outdoors enough. No, when you want to really show Mother nature who's boss, for this you'll need something fiercer. Something meaner. Something like this Audi Off-Road RS6.

Audi RS6 Off-Roader - 11 - 13-wide - Lego

No stranger to pillaging and showing the land no mercy is Lino Martins. Childhood shenanigans like burning ants with a magnifying glass must have gotten to me because I present my 1974 Ford Bronco with a kinder, gentler message. When in The Great Outdoors, take only photos and leave only footprints.

1974 Ford Bronco

rkc62 tells us that the Ariel Nomad has become famous since Matt LeBlanc did a feature on Top Gear and that a 2WD off-roader shouldn't work, but this one looks like fun. I wouldn't know because unless a Top Gear presenter doesn't know when to shut his trap, then I don't watch. Is the new cast any good?

Ariel Nomad

Differentiating himself from all the other Emmanuel Iskandars around here, and thus possibly opening himself up to identity theft, Emmanuel Spencer Iskandar tells us that the Jaguar F-Pace is Jaguar's first SUV.

Jaguar F-Pace

He also tells us the Bentley Bentayga is one of the most luxurious cars in the world that can also go off-roading. It seems a bit of identity theft has already happened as this Bentley looks suspiciously just like his first entry except a different color.

Bentley Bentayga

When it comes to elected officials who enjoy passing important bills into law and chewing on empty toilet paper tubes, there is no stealing the identity of the one and only Senator Chinchilla I believe this may also be the one and only Mitsubishi Pajero done up in LEGO.

Mitsubishi Pajero

And that wraps up our roundup all about The Great Outdoors. This could be the vodka lemon aid talking but it kinda leaves a warm and fuzzy feeling, doesn't it? With these entries I can just feel the cool breeze in my hair, smell the campfire, and hear the soothing campfire songs of some gentle bearded Christian. Kumbaya, my lord, indeed! Now where the hell is my shotgun? While I find the ammo to scare this unwashed hippie off my lawn, we have a new build challenge in the works called. Exclusive Edition…all about special or limited edition cars for those willing to pay extra for opulence and luxury. Yes, sometimes you just don't want to look at the passengers in coach. Is that so wrong, to want to feel uppity and exclusionary? We'll find out next month. So tune in again to see how we do. Now let me take care of this problem before a full on drum circle breaks out. See ya next time!

Sunday, July 10, 2016

The Science of it All…Roundup

Have you ever threw a party while your parents were away, then bragged about it on Twitter? Have you ever used a selfie stick while on a roller coaster? Have you cracked three separate cell phones? Have you ever locked yourself out of the house while not wearing pants…twice in one day? Does jumping on a trampoline with a bowling ball seem like a good idea? Then you, my dim-witted friend, are not the brightest bulb in the whole chandelier and you may be better served going to another blog about boobies, explosions, or monster trucks or something, cuz we're about to lay down some smarty pants book learnin' stuff that might confuse you. Go on, now! Git! Are they gone? Alrighty then! For the rest of you, for the above average, for the Mensa Set, we have a little build challenge we called The Science of it All…all about cars, trucks and bikes with scientific names or purpose. You know, like the Dodge Neon or the Honda Element. So grab yourself 355ml of your favorite libation, this round up is sure to have all kinds of fun scientific facts when I'm not otherwise distracted by explosions, monster trucks and boobies.

Did you know human saliva has a painkilling ingredient more powerful than morphine? Did you also know some eggheads at MIT put a Chevy Volt engine into a rusted old Nova? John Marshmallow knows it and now we're all just a little smarter for his efforts.

1967 Chevrolet Nova Hybrid "Nova Runner"

Dumb guys put bigger engines in their cars to go faster. Smart guys, they put in electric engines because they know that more torque, rather than more power is where the action is. John's Model S aka "Electric Dream" was possibly one of the greatest electric cars to have ever been built, so says he.

2013 Tesla Model S

I'm just too goddamned lazy to research that myself. But I can easily wrap my significant IQ around a 1981 Nissan Pulsar Drag Rod called "Lil' Red Wagon", and a 1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse Drag Rod called "White Rocket". Vroom, Vrooooom, VROOOOM!!

1981 Nissan Pulsar Drag Rod "Lil' Red Wagon"

1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX Drag Rod "White Rocket"

The Porshe 962 can go 264 MPH on the Bonneville salt flats. It takes plenty of scientific science-y science to make a car go that fast without bursting into flames. Also, this car is named after Dr. Ferdinand Porsche, a scientist and inventor who worked on, among many things, the first hybrid-power troop transport train.

1992 Porsche 962 ART Special

JohnniD shows us a world where solar powered hover cars are all the rage. That can happen. Ah science! it can answer all the most difficult questions like why is the sky blue? Is time travel possible? And what's with you people and fat white chicks anyway?

Johnni D Solar Car

OK, maybe it can't answer that one, but still a burning question nonetheless. Let's move on. Predictably in a roundup full of cars pertaining to science-y science science, someone would build a Tesla. Not predictable, however is this entry by rkc62 that has a tesla coil on the roof and is zapped by lightning. I literally can't see how that can go wrong.

Tesla Coil

With a cool name like Emmanuel Spencer Iskandar he should do something cool like invent a battery or something. Unfortunately, that honor already goes to Alessandro Volta. He also gets a car named after him, which is a collaboration between Toyota and Italdesign Giugiaro. This supercar has a hybrid V6 engine and scissor doors.

Giugiaro Toyota Alessandro Volta

One question science can't answer is why the hell does a robot need to drive a car? Even though he built it, Lino Martins does not know the answer, nor does he know why every last girl had big hair in the 80's. He does know, however, that Simon Liu digs this car for some reason.


Next on the Lino slab is the least science-y car ever that happens to have the most science-y names. Behold the 1965 Mercury(science) Comet (science!) Cyclone (SCIENCE!!) called Red Menace (not so much science, but political science, maybe). Don't let the pretty colors fool you, its all muscle!

1965 Mercury Comet Cyclone…Red Menace

Loek M snubs his germ infested thumb in the eye of whoever runs the Tesla company cuz this 533 PS electric Mercedes from 2011 was the first fully electric performance car. In your stupid face, Tesla! And by Tesla, I mean the sucky hair metal band from the 80's.

Mercedes SLS AMG E-Cell

Known for their power and styling in the 60's and 70's, the mercury Cougar was a force to be reckoned with. But by the late 80's, however this 1987 Mercury Cougar XR-7 V8 Coupe built by Peter Blackert was a mere shadow of what it used to be.

Mercury Cougar XR-7 Coupe 1987

Sounding more like a hair removal remedy than a car, the second entry by Peter is the 1994 Ford Laser Lynx 3-door Hatch. Laser is obviously science-y, but not so obvious is Lynx, which is a constillation in the northern sky.

Ford KJ Laser Lynx Hatch

Our entire sky consists of the whole galaxy so it becomes a fitting name for the biggest of the Ford line, the 1964 Ford Galaxie 427 Sport Roof Coupe. Incidentally, the Galaxie was cited as having the largest back seat, making the car popular amongst teenagers who enjoy…yanno…sitting and stuff.

Ford 1964 Galaxie 427 CID V8 Sport Roof Coupe

There's barely room to do much sitting, or anything else for that matter, in this 2014 Ariel Atom. Its the car thats sort of like a motorcycle, you need a helmet to ride in it and you'll get bugs in your teeth as the wind flaps your face like a sheet left on the close line on a windy day.

Ariel Atom - Police Community Vehicle

This 1983 Nissan Pulsar EXA Turbo is totally weird science. Like as in Kelly LeBrock. Remember her? Whatever happened to her anyway? Man, she was hot in her day! making a sex-crazed woman out of a few computer parts seemed totally feasible in my young teenage mind.

Nissan Pulsar EXA Turbo N12

I'm sure the muscle bound owner of this 1972 Plymouth Satellite Sebring Coupe 440 sees no shortage of sex-crazed women. That's how it goes, girls like big muscles and big cars with back seats suitable for…yanno, sitting and stuff.

Plymouth Satellite Sebring - 1972

Be prepared to sit yourself stupid with this totally far out 1977 AMC Concept Electron shown here illustrating many innovative ideas, including real, accessible electric propulsion - though perhaps even more amazing, is that the car was shown in this basic form 10 years earlier, in 1967, as the Amitron.

AMC Concept Electron - 1977

Foregoing most of the things that made the Saturn brand innovative at launch in the early 1990s, the Saturn Ion Quad Coupe was really just an ordinary, small car.Perhaps the only feature which really made it stand out was the coupe model's rear suicide doors.

Saturn Ion Quad-Coupe

15 steps into my day and I'm already looking for a place take a load off, kick my feet up and leave things like hiking to people who actually like that sort of thing. I'm sure there's plenty of room to loaf around and do nothing in this Espace as built by PauloD.

Renault Espace F1

As a physicist, Ralph Savelsberg is a man deeply rooted in science. With that said, Zak Bagans and the Ghost Adventurers (aka Scooby Douche and the Gang) can rejoice as their locking themselves in scary places and acting like a bunch of fratboys is now considered a real science cuz Ralph built the Ghostbusters car for the new movie. OK, thats a stretch, but I wanted an excuse to use my Scooby Douche joke.

Ghostbusters reboot Ecto-1

Is that all of them? I think it is! What did we learn this time around? Not a god damned thing! But that's OK. These roundups are not always about learning…although you'd think I'd do a better job with a science based challenge. Science was actually my favorite subject in school. That and English and Creative Writing. And look where that got me! Distracted by explosions, monster trucks and boobies every couple of minutes. And I don't mean while surfing the net. No, there was like an explosion of boobies and monster trucks like seven feet away! But we have a chance to redeem ourselves with a little challenge we call The Great Outdoors, all about cars, bikes, and trucks made to enjoy (or pillage) the great outdoors. So remember, next time you're out enjoying the beach or the park, take only photos and leave only footprints. Its good for the environment and it makes you less of an a-hole. Thats my advice for now. Tune in next month, same bat time, same bat channel. In the meantime leave some comments or something.